Isolation is a motherf*er when you’ve got over-active brain waves. My removal from majority social interaction didn’t take long to wear my sanity thin. I mean that metaphorically…at least I think so. My life went from driving at a non-stop 175 miles per hours to an abrupt stop and cruise at 10 miles per hour. The aftermath whiplash on my mental health was devastating.
I’ve always made myself busy- whether it was forcibly or accidentally. Between full-time work, full-time school, writing projects, and face-time with my family, I never found down time, and I complained about it (a lot), but I secretly enjoyed having my days filled with meaningful work and stimulation.
With the state shut down, it felt like my purposeful days ended. Without my full-time work, my routine was thrown out of the damn window like yesterday’s pasta. And it’s not like the looming fear of COVID made me feel any better. Instead of spending my days involved in daily rapport with my clients and coworkers, I was now doom-scrolling through COVID news every morning before my coffee- worrying about my family in Las Vegas and California and worrying about my new people here in Indy too. I had online homework to distract me, but not much, and suddenly I had no urge (nor muse) to write.
After about 3 weeks of dragging my feet around the house and making eggs using the same pan for breakfast every…single…day… I realized I had a serious problem when I finished binging My Hero Academia.
My mental health is something I’ve wrestled with for as long as I can remember, so even though I’d been trekking, slowly, uphill towards some sort of normalcy, I could also tell when I was backsliding into the cold arms of darkness at the bottom of the hill. The art of recognizing my slip-ups never made it easier for me to handle them, but at least I knew when they were coming sometimes. And after watching this random anime on HULU, I knew this shit was knocking at my door like an unwanted ex during the holidays. I found myself cradling my knees in a fit of inconsolable tears over the end of the last season because it felt synonymous with the end of my life. My last shred of sanity and happiness clung onto this tv show for dear life, and once it was over, I literally felt like I had nothing left to live for. I could feel myself falling to a place I hadn’t been to in a long time, and it was the confused/concerned/earnest look from my unknowing boyfriend that gave me a small shred of “something” to hold on to. Not saying he was my saving grace, but understanding that I would not be going through this alone made me want to find a new mental and daily routine that would keep me from falling too far into nothingness.
It took some time, but it worked. I found small consistencies throughout my day that made me feel purpose. I was Facetiming my family, organizing my closet, finding different recipes to try, NOT checking the news every hour, reorganizing, and listening to a lot- A LOT- of music. Music is therapeutic. We all know this. It makes you smile when you want to and cry when you need to. I took a shower every morning to music, listened to it during breakfast, during a home workout, and even when I was just sitting on the couch. Music moved me through this entire process, so here are five of my favorite songs during my home isolation. The link for the whole playlist will be tagged at the bottom as well!
Hope you enjoy!
Frutas- Vel the Wonder
aka, the daily morning jam with my breakfast
Boredom- Tyler the Creator ft. Rex Orange County and Anna of the North
“Find some time to do something..” Yes, I’m trying to!
Cranes in the Sky- Solange
Those cranes ARE an eyesore Solange, and this song was the refuge for my feelings
Loner- Kali Uchis
Just cry and feel through this for hours
Home With You- FKA Twigs
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